ON my way to a Friday … I stumbled across a big Log across my road to a happy productive day. It was big and smelly and cruel… I tried to be diplomatic as the Log complained ( bitched and blame ) how I had violated an email agreement we had.
We saw things differently but how would he know that, there was a thick dark cloud blocking his view.
There were wasps that swarmed out of his hollowed out heart and stung me with their bitterness.
I offered up respect and a solution. Perhaps that made this big Log more angry with me… Did I attack him back ? No, then why do I feel so rotten ? Where’s my voice? Who will listen to my side and stand for me ?
The event held me hostage all day… My self esteem has been shattered like glass, kicked and abused to a point where I just wanted to go home..( I did , early )
I really had thought my inner “business” armor had strengthened itself and could withstand such blows. You know its that “only you have the power to give people power over you” …kind of thing.
How do we deal with difficult people and still keep our own spirit-self intact? I dont want to become like HIM in order to survive in business…been there, done that and all it brought me was grief. So the key is to find a place in your self worth and your mind to be able to remain in your own integrity. Just because someone is a bully doesn’t mean you have to bleed from his insults and attacks no matter how intellectually and articulately they have been masked ( or manipulated)
His view of the event was completely opposite from mine and there is no defending your actions to the ultimate victim who is on a seek and destroy mission. He was wronged and that’s that…
So I go back to how do I become ” the water on the ducks back” ? I came home feeling like I needed counseling and Valium . I was ready to quit, give up… “fine, I’m not good at it anyway.” Bullies make you question yourself.
How many times do you think this type of interaction takes place in corporate America ( or marriages or school or a tiny small business ) I will say that women are easy targets and are often not seen as authority figures… so another blow to my fragile ego… but that’s it, I let EGO stay in charge of how I feel.
WHY ? Because I actually try really hard to please people, to build long term relationships in our business, to make them feel important… not to be a pushover but because I want them to see me in the same light and then I am confused when they don’t! Hmmmm, well this big Log is hardly that enlightened.
Do I feel better ? Not really… I am confused and I keep replaying the conversations over and over in my head.
It’s interesting to note, this big Log makes his livelihood coaching, speaking and mentoring people on how to be successful ! WOW – Not sure I am impressed by his methods.
It’s time to lift some self worth weights and build up my armor again… sticks and stones may hurt my bones but…big Logs who talk a big game can’t hurt me. He doesn’t even know me – Why would I surrender my energy to his black hole of bitterness and self anointed power? The answer is stop over analyzing the event, forgive him and love him and instruct the universe to take care of it for you. And I am grateful for an other experience in my life to grow from.
