Personal Excellence

What is Personal Excellence about ?  Is it perfection ? No

Achieving and striving for personal excellence means you have to be open to change and correction for yourself as well as for others.  IT is not about success, money, accolades, recognition.  It is about becoming who you are meant to be.

For me personal excellence has an eternal component.  It means I have an internal, spiritual, divine nature that calls to me to ever improve myself, to become.

Some would believe that babies come into the world without anything , in poverty…naked. I believe babies come into this world equipped with every talent, gift and potential given by the universe – God if you will, to become who God intends them to be.  At the beginning we are innately perfect in every way.  Our future is shaped and determined not only by our choices, but by the choices and behaviors of others, for good or for bad.

So what do we do with it all ?  Most people do experience disappointment, failure and discouragement and many give up along the way becoming sickly content with being mediocre, dull, un-inspiring, cruel and cynical.

Personal excellence has many components but most important is your heart.  What is in your heart ?

Then your character ? How strong is your character… what can you stomach along the way?  Can you take the correction ?

When I was going through a difficult time in my life, it was so important to me to focus on the little details that would keep my head above the water.  I wasn’t always successful but when you chose to “live your life above reproach”, your chances for failure are significantly reduced.

When you live a life of honest humility, you have no reason to fear.  It is only in lies, that we really fear the outcome of things.

There are so many mysteries in the world.  Magic and excitement should fill your ” I believes”, not grumpy paralyzing dullness.

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Personal Excellence isn’t about money or recognition,  it is about who you are inside.

When you are right inside – the rest follows…

I am reminded of an event where I had been invited, along with a few of my closest friends to hear a prominent – well known motivational speaker.  We were pretty excited and of course it was free.

The event was an Easter Sunday fireside  held at our local meetinghouse. My friend Conni and I went quickly and early so we could have a front row seat.

The speaker came in, a very tall man, handsome and bold in his presence.  It was true, he brought an energy of confidence and success into the room.  But as he stood in front of us… perhaps as close as 2 feet, something was awkward and missing from this visual image in front of us.

Why do we think people when we meet them in “real life” will look like they do on TV or in a polished, air brushed PR photo and are disappointed when… they look just as life tussled as we do?

He was nicely dressed in an expensive blue pinstriped suit.  His oxford shirt was pink but a little rumpled underneath his jacket.  He looked travel worn and tired… and then we noticed his shoes.  His shoes were well worn and scuffy looking and didn’t go with his suit, like he had grabbed them in the dark.  It was an instant impression that jumped out at both of us as Conni leaned to me and said ” look at his shoes”.  Well, I had already noticed his shoes.

What was with that ?  This is a millionaire, a man who speaks to CEO’s and coaches celebrity’s, why does he look so messy.  The speculation ran rampant in our minds as we giggled a little and wrote notes to each other…

” It’s Sunday and he has been in meetings all day”
” He got dressed without his wife approving what he put on”
” he lives out of a suitcase”
” We aren’t as important as CEO’s who pay zillions to have him speak- so why dress up”
” Maybe he’s not all that”
” It’s Easter and maybe he was taking a nap and found he was late and put on the first shoes he saw”
” His wife would never let him dress that way… with those shoes… he has no taste”
” Doesn’t his stylist work on Sundays?”

We had fun with that for quite a few minutes and then it struck me that we were not listening to anything he had to say.

The man was brilliant in his story-telling. He gave examples of real people who had overcome great odds to find success and to go on to accomplish their dreams.  My favorite was that of Rose who graduated from college at 80 years old. He spoke for almost 2 hours and had us mesmerized with his message of hope and courage. ( He is regular contributor to the Chicken Soup for the Soul series of books)

We laughed when as he talked about giving up bad habits he said ” when the horse is dead, its’ time to get off”, I could just see myself trying to get that dead horse to stand up ! Oh how we cling to things useless, dead and troublesome rather than give it up and walk away.

The moral of this story is that as a society we are far more interested in the packaging than the message. When we stopped judging his appearance and assessing our personal disappointment in what we felt entitled to experience… we heard the message.  We have expectations of how something should look and feel and when the package comes a little bit rumpled and mismatched we would rather not listen – how many messages have we missed and continued to suffer because of  our superficial, shallow, overstimulated visual brains and attitudes!

Conni had a harder time getting over the scuffy shoes than I did. She has a shoe “thing” – She is always trying to hijack your shoes if they are too worn out- but she came around.

Shoes are things…do they really matter Isn’t it time to live your life with dignity? You think these things matter today, but they dont.   The greatest teachers and masters of excellence in our world history were not concerned with how they looked, what shoes they wore, what car
( donkey) they drove…

The peace in their lives came from their internal compass – eternal compass, if you will.
It’s the message they deliver that has merit and value, not the shoes they wear.

Look, I just want to have a better life.  I am willing to listen and learn from anyone who has something of value to contribute.  I am open to the corrections needed on a day to day basis.  It is exhausting and depressing ( can you say – control issues) to try to change those people around you who need changing… just focus on you.

Don’t beat yourself up over the slip-ups, just pull your socks up and get to work bettering yourself.

If you forgot to write that note to your friends Mom – do it today.

If you forgot to take flowers to your sick neighbor last week – do it today

If you should have helped your co-worker on a project last month and blew her off – do it today

If you meant to go to your grandsons basketball game last week – do it this week.

If you meant to stop lying to your spouse… repent and do it today

If you meant to fast and pray and give thanks to your Father in heaven for the bounty of the universe ( and the hardships) that is in your life and you didn’t … do it today.

It doesn’t take rocket science or a masters degree to become a person of character and integrity.  If you were before?  You can be again.   Character and integrity are built when you open yourself  to correction and restoration.

Today is a good day to stop thinking just about you and put someone else ahead of you… serve them.

It’s a snowy mess where I live today and my son has left to go snow plow some office buildings in a neighboring town.  On his way out of the neighborhood he plowed our street and driveways.  No one had to ask him – he just did it.

GO plow for someone today.

Ride , ride , ride the wild surf….

Yesterday, at Half Moon Bay , California, the worlds most daring surfers rode the winters biggest waves.  The Mavericks are what surfers call the waves just north of Half Moon Bay, a small stretch  of  beach where waves as high as 3 stories build a mile offshore, notorious for it’s danger and excitement, the surfers  are known as the “men who ride mountains.

I have one of these waves on my screen saver. It is a monster wave.  In college, I would subscribe to surfing magazines, I have always loved the ocean.  As a child, our family would go to the beach frequently to camp or just hang for the day .  My Dad loved the beach… I miss him.

The beach is still to this day, my most favorite place.  Whenever I am home visiting, I do my best to head to Santa Cruz.  I just want to smell the air and feel the salt water on my face, the sound of the waves soothes my soul. Watch the otters in the kelp beds, the surfers waiting out the flat water to grab even one ride for the day.  I can sit there on the beach burrowing into the sand like it was a nest for my body, feeling the warmth even on the coldest day for hours..

Here I am , land lubbing away in Utah, where the only beaches I know are lake beaches and no- one “swims” here , definitely poor substitutes for the soft sands of my youth so now my memories are fed with CD’s of beach sounds to meditate by, put the head phones on, close your eyes…It’s a journey I look forward to …

The more we are inclined to see life as journey, the more we will actually enjoy life.”
( Brian Tracy)

Even Half Moon Bay’s, Dunes Beach was a favorite winter place in high school.  I would spend  long Saturdays with my friends, climbing down from the cliff tops to the beach below where we would  build bonfires  and bundling up because it was always cold and foggy… long winding – car sick road to get there but it was like a secret place that no one really knew about …long before the mavericks discovered the big waves.  Hot dogs taste better roasted over a driftwood fire.

I never learned to surf.  I was an excellent swimmer and I was not afraid of the ocean , per say.
But I would never venture very far into the water…maybe a little “body surfing” but never where my feet couldn’t touch the bottom.

When I was in the 4th grade I had to get glasses.  “4 eyes” !  They were spectacular.  White frames with swooping sides that felt like wings with stars in the corner…I wish I still had them!  I was pretty much blind as a bat and lost without them, nerdy and goofy looking too.

We went to the beach one time soon after that and I was knocked down by a big wave and my glasses went flying off…I felt like I was being sucked under by a big hand pulling me into the darkness of the underworld – Neptune’s land of mermaids and sharks.  It only lasted a few seconds because my Dad was right there to grab me out.  I came to learn that was un “undertow”.  I was petrified probably more because I couldn’t see, my glasses were gone.  My glasses were my magic power – my super strength – like x-ray vision – mine gave me my confidence back and the sea had tried to steal them from me.

After that I would not have dared to learn to surf… I suppose I could have worn big sea goggles but how uncool was that! I had friends who surfed and it was enough to watch them.  Gidget was my favorite TV character with her moondoggie all buff and hunkie but – nope surfing was not for me.  I would be forever a spectator, oooing and wowing because of the breathtaking beauty and daring of it and the clothes are cool…

Mavericks brings back those memories and fills my senses with awe.  Maybe it’s the daring ir- responsibility of it that tickles our hidden “escape desires”.  That somehow if we could surf the big wave or ride the Harley across the country, wearing leather halter tops, boots, bandanas and sunglasses, we would indeed be “free”.  Even just watching , we feel the power and majesty of the wave and crave that same power for ourselves.

Or perhaps the waves make you feel like you are being overpowered by events in your life you cant control.  All the metaphors work… being swept under, wiping out, drowning….or riding the wave out to reach the shore in safety.

How do you ride those waves in your life.  I know wipe outs will happen.  You may even be dashed against the reef below, being cut and bruised… held under the swirling rip tides and pressure…. but you fight to the surface, craving, living to have a  breath of air.

The waves of adversity come in all sizes.  Some waves barely ripple the surface and we just get our ankles wet.  But others are like the waves at mavericks, 3 stories high, knocking you to the bottom of the sea.

You decide is your lifestyle working for you ?  Are you content being miserable ?  Are you loving being scared and broke?  Does being an alcoholic or addict bringing you happiness and peace with your family and friends? Or are you letting your disease sink you with fear and despair?  Those big waves are swamping your life’s ship…and it will soon go under unless you can ride that wave to a better life…a life of personal excellence.

My Friend Elaine said ” Enjoy life now, there is plenty of time to be dead”.  She loved surfing too… This wave’s for you my friend…hang TEN.

Homecoming

I entered the world every parent dreads last week when my, 31 year old son moved home. Just as I was starting to enjoy the idea of being an “empty nester”, I had to empty one bedroom of my “projects” to make room for my sons office equipment. My baby boy who has lived a lifetime of lifetimes in his short 31 years, with children of his own, debt, sorrow, heavy problems, attempted suicides and now a pending divorce.
So we have a totally white trash look going on at the house. A beat up 1983 Blazer snow plow parked out in front of the house with an extension cord going up the driveway, plugged into the garage  – you know, to keep it from freezing. An upstairs window screen torn and dangling off the window, where the boys climb in and out of the upstairs – when they get locked out. My broken dryer is out on the curb waiting for the Salvation Army to pick it up and of course the garbage cans are out there in the street because no one will pull them up to the garage after trash day… it’s easier to just take the garbage out to the can. And now, the trailer with my son’s furniture is out there next to the snow plow and the broken dryer with a blue tarp strung over it. Oh I forgot, we have his mattress propped up on the front porch waiting to go to the storage unit! I feel like we are “Ma and Pa Kettle.” To make the picture complete, imagine yesterday, when we were moving his refrigerator, a big bag of frozen trout fell out of the freezer and our dog got it and started to “play” with it and drag it all over the yard… dead, frozen trout.
Our neighbors hate us…  At least we don’t have a broken down truck up on blocks in the driveway… I wonder if they can they see the “butt bucket” where my son flicks his cigarettes…
Is the move home good or bad ? I’m sure the “tough love” proponents would have plenty to say and I suppose I will have changing opinions along the way. Today, despite the inconvenience of it all and the fact that yesterday I had to tell him, he couldn’t be a smelly, drunken bum living in my house and to go take a shower ( after 4 days of not showering)… it’s a good thing for him to be home. A fresh start.
15 years ( yes, do the math) of abusing alcohol and drugs have led to the break up of his marriage, although she loves to booze and abuse as well… and is not blameless in the demise of this relationship, he seems to have had suffered a greater affect on his physical, emotional and spiritual life.
Their house was a disaster, broken down, unkempt, they have lost it to foreclosure, because buying booze is a better waste of his money and more “enjoyable” than paying bills…the two of them have had to move out. She went to her parent’s house and he came home to the house of his childhood. It’s too long a story to drag out in this forum but lets just say, it is a classic case of his fault, her fault…each pointing fingers and neither being responsible for their part in the marriage.
My beloved first born is the poster child for self- destruction at it’s finest and she takes pleasure in thumb-tacking him to the wall, with a drink in one hand and a hammer in the other..
Where does the word booze come from? It has such a low class sound to it, which I suppose is appropriate. Here is what I learned.
The word has been around since the fourteenth century. It comes from the Middle Dutch verb busen, meaning to drink heavily, and first appeared in English as a verb spelled bouse. This is from a manuscript dating to around 1325:
Hail ?e holi monkes…Late and raþe ifillid of ale and wine! Depe cun ?e bouse. (Hail the holy monks…Slowly and before long filled with ale and wine! Deeply can they booze.)
And from Spenser’s 1590 The Faerie Queene, I.iv.22:
And in his hand did bear a bouzing can, Of which he supt so oft, that on his seat His dronken corse he scarse upholden can.
Folklore has it that this term for liquor comes from a Philadelphia distiller named E.C. Booz who prospered around 1840 by selling a popular spirit in bottles shaped like a log cabin. This is not correct. In addition to the British citations dating back to the fourteenth century, it has been in use in America since the early eighteenth century. Benjamin Franklin used the term boozy from 1722 and Noah Webster’s 1828 dictionary has entries for boose and bouse meaning “to drink hard; to guzzle,” and for boosy meaning “a little intoxicated; merry with liquor.” ( wordorigins.org)
After his wife had visited yesterday with their 5 year old son, my son had said, what a relief to have her gone because “it’s like juggling and my arm is tired from balancing all those balls – I just want to be me…” He promptly went to his room to drink. Oh, ouch, my heart aches and aches for him.
Where is the sweet, bright, energetic, creative genius my little boy started out to be?
Does he really understand the counterfeit feeling of calm and relief that the alcohol gives him? That it isn’t real, that it is a cover-up. He says, he likes the cover-up feeling… it doesn’t hurt and since he can’t “kill himself”, being plastered is the next best thing to being dead.
I will never forget learning about his attempted suicide in 2006 and how scared I was for him and now I am flooded with those same feelings and I’m thinking to myself – “don’t you dare – pull that on me “. I told him if he tried that nonsense again, I would kick his trash through all eternity – it’s just a lousy excuse for not taking responsibility for your life and only he can change that. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to actually feel that way!  How can he know what’s real and what’s not.
Empathy I can have… And then we talked about having a plan to get help.  He has to want to change and give up his dependence on alcohol.  He has to want to live.
IT’s easier to accept the help of others when you are not alone and isolated and I believe the best place for him to take these baby steps to healing and better health is to be at home where he has people around him, where the windows are bright and sun filled, where there is laughter and energy. A home where he is loved and encouraged to be his best and where his children can come to and not worry about the drunken violence and dark dreariness of the home they left.
Step by step, his goliath can be overcome and conquered but it will take time… I remember my Mom had said years ago; “just think about how long it takes for a ship to turn around in the night.”  Home is safe and we have Guitar Hero and a big TV in the basement, where the boys gather to “rock and roll” (that would be my adult boys!) My Husband says, “Whatever brings the family together…” and his brothers won’t put up with his garbage – they will tell him how it is and then be there for him.
Happiness runs in our family and by golly, I will fight to  keep it that way, loving and forgiving and being grateful for every minute that teaches us what’s really important and to stick together! I always told my son when he was young, that no one will ever love you like your family and they will be the ones in the end who stand for you and that is just the way it will have to be in my house for awhile…. Playing guitar hero!

Pretending

If today is not the best day of your life… pretend. It sounds like a sappy greeting card “ Today is the best day of your life”   But it has to be.  Because it is where you are in the reality of your physical existence, or are you ?    

I can’t say it enough, stop living in the past.   Stop dragging all the luggage of your past along with you.  Talk about baggage baby, you got the full set – monogramed!

 Pretend you are not the victim Pretend you are happy Pretend you are satisfied and content Pretend you are not depressed Pretend you are not lonely 

A popular rehab drug program I know of, has a motto “ Fake it till you make it” At first that made me crazy when I heard it.  “ What ???  How counterfeit is that !  You want drug addicts to pretend?  To fake it ?  But the idea grew on me… its a “practice makes perfect” idea.  Habits are formed in 30 days…so lets work on changing our behaviors by “faking it”  - Maybe “faking” is a poor choice of words, but it is how we convince ourselves to change “ I am thin – I love exercise” or “I love this job “   You are what you think of most…so isn’t it better to “fake” something while we learn how to change our way of thinking.    

 Being positive is always better than being the down in the dumps, negative, dooms day dullard of the party.  So pretend !  Because, it is the best day of your life… you could be dead Imagine that you have been locked in a cement room without fresh air, without a window to open.  The only thing to feel is cold, cinderblock, steel and plastic.  You can see the birds, but you can’t hear them.  You can see the clouds in the sky but you can’t feel the rain on your face. And then you are free.  The cold air and the smell of the wind never felt so good.  Your lungs hurt from the depth of your breath.  You would be content and humbled to have so much.   When you are deprived of the simplest of life’s pleasures, gifts and treasures your vison of happiness changes and gratitude takes the place of your self pity… How good grass under your feet feels.  Please can I live one more day. 

You have got to get over yourself.  There is so much tragedy and sorrow in the world, why add to it with self pity and the lies you tell yourself.  I see people everyday give up on their dreams and that is a slow painful death, to die of your own disappointment. I remember seeing a greeting card that said “ When life hands you lemons… tuck them inside your bra – couldn’t hurt and might help.” How could it possibly be bad to pretend that today is the best day of your life!  It is the only day you are living in.  Couldn’t hurt and it just might help ! When my 5 children were at an age where they were all bickering at each other, the noise was deafening at times and nothing seemed to get them to stop until I decided to convince them that happiness runs in our family.  When they would argue I wouldn’t yell or punish them , I would say “ happiness runs in our family “   It didn’t take more than a few times for them to stop and they believed.  Now they teach that principle to their own children.  What a revolution we could have in this world if Mothers and Fathers had that as their motto.  Happiness does run in your family – even if you are the only one in your family. Just say it !  Pretend until you can believe it. It’s not difficult to make a difference in the world today.  Success is behind that locked door of belief in your mind and you have the key.  ______________________________________________________   

no time for victimstance

   My day was filled with so many  distractions today. Nothing but voicemail, cancellations,  unmet expectations and unreasonable demands,  a utterly horrible lunch at the new mexican cafe , a missed appointment and the fellow I work with burned his grilled cheese sandwich in the toaster oven ( in his office ) stinking up the place so badly…I had enough.

When I asked him if he could please open his window to let the stink out, all he could do was rant and rave about the chaos in his life… I listened to him gripe and complain about not trusting people, others cheating him out of commissions , how unfair life is…I just listened.  There wasn’t anything I could say – he was already lost to victimstance.   A seemingly terminal disease – it can be cured, but only when you surrender your selfish misery to the hidden joys of life – real life bustling about you.  Despite my own bizarre day, I was not going to die of someone else’s misery !

With a deep breath I walked away thinking of an essay I had read a few days ago. I was going to share it with Geoff but I knew he would miss the message…He would just say he had heard it all before and of course it means nothing….

” Life is unpredictable.  We live every minute without knowing what the following second has waiting.  We all live blindfolded in the world that we create around ourselves, and each event is considered coincidence to the average man.  If you look at things from the other angle however, from the opposite side, and ask yourself about the reason for what has just happened, you begin to understand that the moment you are living in has a point.  We try to forget things that we dislike and cherish those that we enjoy, but in actuality each moment is just as important as the previous and even more important than the following…you have two choices in life, either lay down and die or get up and go.   There is no point in dwelling on your misfortunes; the point is to share your love for others, no matter what.”  ( Rob, who passed away at age 22 )

I don’t have time to be a victim…  society today wants to fill our lives with chaos and hysteria. I don’t buy what they are selling.   I love you, I’m sorry, I forgive and I’m so very grateful for all of it.   Those are the four secrets to success.

We all have a gift

I couldn’t help but think of a friend I know who is incarcerated.  I had dropped off some reading glasses for her at the prison a few Sunday’s ago.  It was quiet, I was the only one there and the yards were closed, no other visitors were at property and the officer on duty told me I could not leave the glasses in the case they came in because it could be used as a weapon.  The case had a hinge where it opens and closes.  Ok, I understood but couldn’t help but silently think how stupid – because the glasses were metal and they had hinges!  Let me tell you, sharpen those ear pieces along the cinderblock walls and you have a pretty sharp shank or maybe a tattoo needle – talk about a weapon.  But don’t let them have a  eyeglass case to protect the glasses!  I’m sure by the time the lady throws them in  a paper sack to be delivered, they get tossed into the delivery truck along with the TV’s and the boxes of shoes… and then after being taken off the truck and thrown into the big pink laundry cart and hauled into the unit to be delivered, I’m sure they will be broken.    

 

 I come away from these visits to the prison with such a heavy heart.  I am tormented deep inside my heart for those whose physical prisons appear so hopeless.  The energy and determination it takes to overcome the permanence of some prisons seems insurmountable.  The idea that you could “die there… in your prison”, brings tears to my eyes and rips my heart open for my friends in this life who cannot apply their minds to the positive approach of climbing up even when you are locked down.

 

If it meant you had to spend the majority of your time not associating with those around you who impact you negatively… yes, you may have to make that choice. 

 

I am moved by the stories I hear from the depths of the “hole” where men have spent years in solitary or isolation… without human contact, without anything but their heart and mind.  That these prisoners do find value in their lives, without that you wither and die.  For some, the choice is to take their own life…

 

Could you do that?  Could you spend years alone in the dark?  Solitary? A constant state of punishment rent upon you by oppressive government bureaucracies…committed to protect society against you.

 

JR Tolkein wrote the drafts for “Lord of the Rings” in the trenches of WWI.   O’Henry wrote his masterpiece short stories in prison.  Could Ann Frank have known her fate?  Helen Keller was free to live without razor wire and cinderblock but without sight, speech or hearing – could her prison have been any more limiting? 

 

I read once in an article about reaching your spiritual potential that the author promoted the idea of we must repent of our limited mindedness.  That despite our current physical circumstances it is an offense to God that we would not exercise hope and faith that our life could still have purpose and meaning despite the heavy disappointment of earthly things lost. 

 

We can build a new reality and a better future even in our prisons when, we stopping thinking about what we have lost and look to what we can attain… The sky is the limit when you let go of this and live your story.

 

Oh ya, it’s hard all right.  If it’s you facing a future of despair, ya, it’s hard.  But despair is an attitude…It’s not real.  It doesn’t appear on your plate at dinner and you eat it and it grows roots on your thighs like a pound of fat you can’t get rid of!  But it can eat away at you like a cavity, like a cancer.  The only medication, the only cure is within you.  It is inside you… in your gut.  You are in control. 

 

Do I know what I’m talking about?  I only have a glimpse through my own experience with hopelessness.  But I have seen it face to face.  I have talked with it, roomed with it… cleaned up after it, encouraged it to be encouraged.  The It… is different for everyone but the hopelessness that It packs along the journey is where the death lies. The eyes of hopelessness are very dark.

 

Great minds have purposes, others have wishes… Washington Irving

 

So many waste precious years, looking for happiness outside of themselves, in places and things, events and traditions, instead of in our hearts.  Everyone came to this earth with  gifts.  Your physical circumstances do not prevent you from finding, developing and giving of your gifts – only you stop yourself in your limited mindedness.

 

I recently saw a new book down at our local bookstore.  I forget the exact name but it was basically  “21 days to not complaining  “ That’s what we are really talking about here… stop complaining. Complaining does nothing. There are so many things that you cannot change.  If you are in the “hole” and waiting for someone else to let you out… you may be waiting for a long, long time.  With a change of your focus and letting your spirit move free, you can let yourself “out”. That is where real freedom is.

 

The idea that a “criminal” sentenced to life for heinous, awful things, can find peace and purpose in his life would make most average citizens out in the “real” world crazy, angry and bitter.  But their reaction of anger and judgment is probably well founded in their own lack of purpose.  Ii is always easier to judge others and their faults and inadequacies than look at our own – no matter where you “live” or what handicap you may be dealing with.  It is still your responsibility to live a life of purpose…

 

When you believe in yourself, you have the strength and courage to persevere and try new things.

 

“If you hear a voice inside your head that says “ you cannot paint” than by all means,  paint and that voice will be silenced. “  Vincent Van Gogh

 There is enormous good all around us.  There is beauty in a simple deep breath.  Each breath you take whispers to us that life is good and sometimes when you know how lucky you are to be outside, walking … it starts to shout at you  - life is good and you are not alone… we are not alone.  We are loved and watched over and destined for something fantastic in this life.  Don’t limit your vision of what today offers.  Wake up and pay attention.  You can change the world when you change yourself. One person at a time.

Hot Tubs and Gratitude

I had lunch today with a good friend.  I realized when she asked me that we haven’t ever gone to lunch in the 20 years I have known her.  It was nice, good spinach salad with grilled shrimp, peppers and red onions… light vinaigrette… tomato pest soup ( my fav).  We just chatted and laughed about what was going on and then she asked how could she get her husband to stop being so angry. She said he is angry at the whole world and that he just bottles it up and lugs it around with him and it worries her.  I visualized an image I have of the old street bum who has dozens of hidden pockets on the inside of his over sized overcoat… and when the day gets hard, he pulls out a bottle of pissoff and drinks some more anger.    She said he has been like this for years.  I personally had never noticed !

I didn’t have an answer right then… I was too busy eating .  Enough of the nuts and berries that I had been nibbling on all week , trying to cut down on the “comfort food” cycle… I was glad to have a meal in front of me.  I should have mentioned the soup came with a big slab of French bread. And butter.

When I got home, the house was quiet.  I knew no one would be home until late so I got on the treadmill and walked for 30 mins.  My treadmill has a sliding scale of difficulty.  I start at ‘barely moving “ and then push the button to “shuffle “ up to “ ok if I don’t hold on I will fall off the back “ and finally I do 5 minutes at “heart attack” You know that feeling when you get off the treadmill too soon… the room is still moving, like the fun house ride at Fleishhacker Zoo in San Francisco. (childhood memory) when I was done, I walked out onto our back deck and just looked up into the cool night air and felt such peace and I knew I needed to get in the hot tub.  That’s where I do my best thinking, I thought to myself, besides no one is here !!! no one will see me in my “hot tub attire”

I don’t want to see me !  It has been more than a couple of years since I had a new bathing suit so a few weeks ago, Shopko was having their year end closeout of bathing suits… It was great, these cute little two piece stretchy swim suits for $2.49 .  You can’t beat that … get a size small top and extra large bottoms – mix and match for $2.49.  So I was set.  Oh ya, the bottoms just don’t stretch quite enough -  But I’m by myself so it will be fine.  I get in, with my book, the crickets are chirping, the steam is rising, I’m feeling it and then the phone rings… You know darn well that if you hear the phone ring you have to answer it !  Because if you don’t it will have been some catastrophe call and then your neighbors come barging over, knocking on your door to find you because someone is dead or has a flat tire…. and there you are in the hot tub in your Shopko stretchy bikini. Next thing you know the Relief Society is telling the story in the ward newsletter about the “hot tub incident”.  So I have to get out and go find the phone… dripping all over the tile floor ( and my book ).  I’m too late the caller hangs up… back to the hot tub I go. 

aaaahahahahh, it is so peaceful and the steam is rising into the cool night air, the stars are bright and brilliant; I love looking up into the stars.  Oh, wait that star is moving!  It’s the SouthWest flight from Denver taking a turn up the valley.  They come in about 15 min increments.  The hot tub is where I do my best thinking and that is where the answer to my friends question came to me.  Gratitude…

It’s not important why her husband is angry… It ’s not about him, its about her – she is the one who must change and the key is that she becomes grateful for every part of it.  Gratitude for all things, the good, the bad, the frustrating, the disappointment…Live in today’s moment, not yesterday’s emptiness.  When she loves, forgives and gives thanks for all of it… she will be able to look at him with such peace in her heart, he will feel it too.  Its a change of thought and a change of perspective… its time to let those things go.  Gratitude is a choice – the healthy choice, much like my spinach salad.

The phone rang again, the boys came home from basketball and I had some more cookies, talked for 40 minutes to my far away daughter. I am so grateful for all of it.

There’s plenty of time to be dead

Several years ago, one of my oldest friends from my childhood, Elaine had moved to Tucson when her husband had been hired as a Warden for the Arizona DOC. She didn’t like the idea of losing valuable contact with her friends, so she started sending these funny postcards. Just out of the blue, we would get a postcard. Often there was no message at all… Just the card, but we all knew she was genuinely thinking of us, and it was her way of saying “Hey! Don’t forget about me.”

 

It wasn’t until Elaine was diagnosed with a terminal form of cancer that the postcards took on a new meaning for me. My favorite is one, she sent to me as she started chemo and was feeling the emotional strain and anxiety over the pressure, a disease bring to a family, that the card arrived.

 

The cartoon front had a silly “Garfield” looking cat wind surfing and the caption was.

 

“Enjoy every minute…. There’s plenty of time to be dead. “

 

I laughed and laughed and believed it was such a fantastic sentiment; I took it to work with me and planked it right on my computer where I could see it. Not everyone liked the card and considered the message was morbid… (They were the miserable, unhappy types I had employed). I embraced it.

 

What are you holding onto that is keeping you in a life comma! There is a saying that some people live to be 80 but they die at 30. My friend Elaine was not one of those people. She loved her life, and she wasn’t going to moan the time she had left… no matter how difficult.

 

I know so many people living in anger and hatred. In fact in some twisted way they get immense pleasure out of being miserable, trapping them forever, running on that little hamster wheel in their head, not being able to stop, it is their prison.

 

Maybe that’s why I like to move furniture. I could never be happy running on a hamster wheel … It would make me dizzy, and I would throw-up! Since my child hood I have been a furniture mover extraordinaire. I like change… I want things to look better, feel better, be better – inviting you in to know that this fits. There is truth to that whole Feng Shui idea. When things are balanced, angles straight, circles intersecting and water flowing…. Your harmony is clear of the maze and the course becomes straight again.

 

Last night I wanted to move a big TV we had in the basement up to the upstairs office. My husband was happy to help me. I remember there was a time when he could have heaved that thing up in his arms and taken it all by himself. Last night was not that day. And to ask if I would help is pretty funny. Even though I love moving furniture being closer to 60 than 50 means I usually hire the teenagers to do it for me now.

 

But we did move it… After huffing up the basement stairs, each of us carrying our awkward end; we set it on the office rolly chair as we went through the kitchen. (Rolling not carrying it!) But now we needed to get up the next flight of stairs. I didn’t want to walk backwards up the stairs so my husband went backwards. Well, that was a mistake because of how tall he is as he went up the stairs, I couldn’t move up fast enough. For some reason my feet just wouldn’t move quickly… The TV got taller and taller and in just 2 steps up, the weight of the TV was now all in my chest, and it become so heavy I fell backwards and I heard my sternum popped. OOUCHHH. I squealed, and we were stuck right there in the middle of the stairway, me in pain. But I’m a “furniture mover,” I can do this; never, never, give up. We weren’t going anywhere, laughing, we tried to switch places, both of us pathetically weak armed and old just sat there stuck. Finally, we got our places switched, and I went up the last 4 stairs backwards.

 

I told my husband that we had to have a new rule now. No one would be allowed to buy anything so big that we couldn’t get it up the stairs alone! We got the TV setup and we both sat on the floor upstairs watching the last of the football game reveling in our hard fought success, enjoying every minute.

 

See, that’s the key to success. Real success is having joy in every minute, especially when you have overcome something unexpectedly hard… Because there’s plenty of time to be dead.

Just be nice

Have you ever considered the power of a thank you? Not just a bitter, stubborn forced  thank you, but a heart felt honest expression of gratitude.

Try it.  Just say “Thank You” out loud.  Pay attention to every situation you encounter today and say thank you at every turn.  And mean it.

I have been following a situation at work between a co-worker and a client.  The client doesn’t want to receive the services any longer.  The salesman was fine with it.  But management went to town on this guy, with an attempt at sarcasm and humor that wasn’t warranted offering to give him the service for free…”until he came to his senses”.  That was the light that lit the cannon fire.  The cannonballs went flying back and forth for several emails, each party inflicting heavier blows against the other.

My co-worker had good intentions but his method was indeed madness and the client became more and more resentful because really he just wanted to be left alone. Both of them lost, not just an account but their self respect.

A Thank You for your past business and we will miss you offered sincerely would have gone so much further.  Now this client will never come back. 

I heard at a seminar one time that “you send circles and he receives squares”.  Different languages … he didn’t hear what you said, he doesn’t know what you mean. Circles and squares and maybe a rectangle or two.

How far will a thank you go to bridge that gap? Reaching out instead of pushing someone away.

This is not just important in business but certainly far more important in families.  In the 5 Love Languages the author talks about how he learned of a metaphor referring to children who feel so very unloved that they act out… and that it was as if their “love tank “ was empty.  Adults have empty “love tanks” all the time.  I would take a bet on my co-worker and his lost client both suffer from empty “love tanks.” 

Benjamin Franklin said “ If your head is made of wax, then don’t walk in the sun “.  I love that… it is quirky and funny and it is an absolute truth.  Because your head will melt!

And I would add if your head were wax that would explain why your thoughts are so distorted!  The sun has melted your brain (hiding inside the wax).

Be kinder than necessary.  Just be nice for the sake of being nice.  My youngest son, Andrew said to me one night “ I’m just too nice…” Yes he is.  But it is that very quality that makes him stand out as a leader.  Not because he is weak or soft… or because he lets people walk all over him.  It is just the opposite.  He is nice because he loves people, he looks for the good they have to offer.

When we seek power and control over people we are not acting out of love, but out of weakness.  Less effort is required when we act out of love and kindness for others and it is the flow of nature and it creates a natural energy that feeds others instead of takes away from those you around. 

Look around you… grass doesn’t try to grow it just grows.  Fish don’t try to swim they do swim.   I saw a sign on one of those portable billboard signs you can have out in front of your business, on the sidewalk.  This was in front of a small church in our community and it said, “ Mediocre people are the only ones doing their best.”  Your best should always be a step in front of you.  Your best should require new and renew energy and effort … Now try it with an attitude of kindness and say Thank You. 

Thank You for being my friends

Everyday is a new success

For years I have been a student of success.  I have read hundreds of books and articles, taking in every drop of what was being promoted.  Success has as many definitions as there are people seeking what they believe to be success.  And for many it appears to be the elusive butterfly of happiness (which is the not the same as the elusive butterfly of love – well known ethereal song of the 70’s) 

After many years of searching I have found the answer.  Success is not the secret.  Success does exist, it’s right there in front of your face… the secret is you have to believe in it.  You have to have a desire for it.   And the secret has not been a secret as much as people have forgotten how to believe in themselves.  They are seduced by the latest celebrity fashion or the latest news hysteria into believing that they have no power of their own.

 

Success is waking up each day and completing the day.  Your level of accomplishment may vary depending on the day but success is putting one foot in front of the other and reclaiming your personal power…your individuality.  No one can take you away from you unless you let them.

 

So I would add that the definition of success would have to include the moment you reclaimed yourself, the eternal being you are designed to be.

It really has nothing to do with money or things.  Success is being the best you can be (Army cliché).  The things, money, toys, dream job…come as a result of you being who you are meant to be.

Disease, poverty, frustration, discouragement, substance abuse, crime and punishment are all “man-made” consequences of our personal moment-by-moment choices. Those forces in the universe that revel in your failure want these things to bury you.

I worked for 3 weeks as a business consultant for a business-coaching firm… technically a telemarketer (a most despised profession).  They called us business consultants becasue surely no one would have applied for the job if they had been honest and straight up about what they wanted us to do.  At first, I thought, “ Oh I can do this.”  Oh, Yuk.  I despised it from the first phone call.  I enjoyed learning the ins and outs of the business and the training but when it came to actually dialing people with the purpose of selling them a “bill of goods”, I hated it.   I understood the reason why this method of selling was chosen and the net profits of the company certainly proved the system worked!  But I hated it.  Everyday I dreaded getting up and going to work.  I could feel the angst of the negativity just eating away at the cells in my body.  I lost the spring in my step….

I would dread the idea of someone actually picking up the phone because then I would have to up sell them on this service…talking them into using credit cards and incurring expenses I knew they couldn’t afford.  And I am a capitalist!  I believe in marketing and selling.  I believe in a FREE ECONOMY.   But I didn’t want to be the pitchman. 

Telemarketing is a numbers game…the more calls you make, sooner or later you will snag a fish on your line and your closer can yank him to the shore and eat him!   The pain comes when you find those dear folks who have terrible language skills, you can feel their struggles all the way through the phone lines.  Old people hoping to supplement their retirement because they are still taking care of a handicapped son who has to be in a special home.  People who are divorced, the woman who answered crying because her husband was in the middle of beating her up when I called!  Single mothers who work 3 jobs, men who live in “rooming houses”.  These folks stay up late into the night watching infomercials hoping to find the dream, hoping to find the success answer to their prisons…hoping to be free one day.  Their illiteracy screamed out to me through the phone.   I had to quit.

Most people I called would just hang up on me or yell at me to not call them ever again.  What I could see was that people look for solutions to their problems in “things”, believing that the infomercial product will bring them money, happiness and success.  Which is possible but not for the reasons they believe in.  The people who are successful are the ones who do it because it is a passion for them, they do it because they want to better themselves, they do it because they know it will compliment what they are all ready doing in their lives.

You can’t believe in things… you must believe in you and for some people that is too big a risk.  They just don’t know how to do that.  The irony is the pitch used in my script was one of “If you could have an expert like_____ helping you one on one to build a success story… would that have value to you?”   The idea is of course to get them to answer “yes”.

Do you really need an expert to help you find success in your life?  Yes, I believe you do.  But not to have more money or to have a better job or to have a better car.  Again those are always the results of the success of your inner life.  My expert is my Father in Heaven.  God is my number one expert but I also look to others in my life for advice and counsel becasue I want to be the best I can be.

When you are grounded spiritually, content in whom you are, even failure resounds as a success because of the lessons learned.  Desperation is no way to live your life, so suck it up, pull up your socks, get down to business.  The business of improving who you are.

 

So I did quit that job and as I left the building, walking to my car, I felt such a rush of relief.  I knew there was something more important for me to be doing …It may be a long journey but certainly a more enjoyable journey and really that is what success is all about, loving each day for it’s lessons and it’s potential.

Now the cynical and negative out there will be grumbling saying ” ya, well, I have to feed my family, I can’t quit” .

What you believe to be your reality is what imprisons you and it wouuldn’t matter what I said, you won’t change.  Change has to come from within and maybe when your pain becomes too large, too overwhelming, you will look for something else.